Back to where I came from

I was standing at the base of a mesa. It was one of those spaces in time where you see the object but little else has detail. It was dark as night. New moon and little stars to view. Somewhere from behind me I could sense a light. Bright like the sun but dim at this point only to assist in my vertical climb up to the top. The rocks appeared red. They were hard and at some points slick but I kept on climbing. I noticed I was wearing a white robe of sorts. It was more an essence of self than actual clothing. As I became aware of this I realized the weight of my perceived body was simply a projection from the mind. My climb became quick and I almost flew to the top of the percepice. Once I reached the top it was black. Not black as night just black. I stepped forward knowing that I would quickly be engulfed into something that I would have to push against to free myself from again.

The black rained down on me like molasses and stuck to me in the same fashion. I was quickly knocked down and over taken with the weight of all that was contained within it. I flashed to the moment I had met this black mass before. I was wide awake the first time and it over took me in the same fashion leaving me breathless and scared. I was better prepared this time as well as lacking fear. Tonight I would free myself from the ties that bind me to so many earth bound inbreed fears and societal trainings. This blackness represented all that was fear, pain, loss of self, desperation, hatred, lies, endless senseless self sabotaging acts upon myself. This blackness was what has been holding me down from truly freeing my soul into the outward expression that is self.

That is where is happened. The obvious realization of feeling the separation from my source. The womb of God and that pureness of Love that is indescribable in words. I saw it in the light that I knew was behind me as I climbed. I was now removed from the physical. Witnessing the dark mass attempt to over take the physical temple once more. The body shifting and wiggling in its attempts to be free. I knew it would die without me. It was only a manifestation of the physical world. A place for me the I AM to work from and experience wonder. My temple to perform miracles as I walked in full embodiment and joy. Spreading this truth everywhere by being.

The choice was made. I would return to the body and dig out of the darkness once and for all to fight the demons of despair, fear, and hatred. I would share my self in it's true form once more. The night was filled with endless visions and dreams. Memories, split second glimpses at decisions made or words spoken. Working from the pure source self they were cleared with little less than a blink of an eye. The darkness lifted up like bubbles from the ocean floor. Slowly the stickiness and weight of all that had been attaching to every last fiber was being released in light speed timing. I was being freed. I was returning back to where I came from and remaining here to do the work that was always intended all at the same time.

Suddenly it was light. Pure blinding light. I witnessed at that moment my darker side. A side of me that served a purpose to the physical body however useless to the enlighten form. It would assist me as I walked my path but would no longer hinder me as I pushed forward.

My mediation has shifted into sleep and as I came out of this space I was instantly aware of how long I had been in this state. My restful night sleep was replaced by an extremely deep healing. My head was spinning. This spinning sensation continued on the better part of the day and into the remainder of the week. The re-calabration that is taking place catches me off guard at times. I still see flashes of something for review however they are brief. I hardly know myself anymore and find myself floating through life...just waiting. Being a mother and a wife are my current compass and I also using them as my beacon when I get fuzzy in the details. I feel healed in a way that I pray all may feel someday. I finally understand that God and I were never seperated. I am always Home within my own self. She is with me and He guides me with every breath.

Be One with Love,
Leah

Facing the dark side

Within the chrysalis a complete transformation of the caterpillar happens. The cells change and break down creating a completely new form from what entered into this sacred space. No cell unturned. No thought left untouched. The space within this chrysalis is tight and to break free the butterfly must push and struggle to be freed, to survive. This struggle is also what gives it life. The struggle pushes blood to the wings and gets the new form moving preparing for its new life. Contained within this new form all the information and knowledge of what to do as a new creature capable of flight and reproduction. Capable of something it has never seen nor done in its former life as a crawling vegetation eating caterpillar.

My butterflies are now free living their 21 days of life in the sunshine and warmth. Their transformation and subsequent struggle to live played out in my living room under the excited watchful eyes of my little girls and myself. I was spellbound by this process and learned so much about life in those short moments of time. Inside my chrysalis I'm learning things about myself also. As I'm turned inside out I allow the Divine Grace to have its way with me and truly help me grow and improve through experience and time.

I have been making piece with my dark side. I never truly understood what that meant until this week. Its the unhappy thoughts, fears, and scars that are ignored and shoved deep into the depths of the mind. I'm freeing myself from these things slowly and with purpose so they can be brought to the light and released to become my strength and my knowledge of how to learn and grow forward. I'm feeling the push and pull of my transformation and the walls are growing tighter as I expand.

I'm also coming to terms with the biggest fear that has held me back my whole life. I'm not sure of its roots- perhaps a past life- as I cannot remember a life experience where I wasn't held back because of this fear. I fear accomplishment. I actually have managed to always keep myself in my safe bubble where I am rarely surrounded by anything that can fail or cause my failure. Its not to say I don't take chances I just don't take big ones. My daughters are the exception and they were the spark that started me down the deepest depths of self improvement. Last week I realized my greatest fear and it made me cry. How was I ever to inspire and support my greatest creation if I couldn't do the same for myself? It has been a week since I realized this deep fear and as it spun inside my being tearing me up and cutting me raw I slowly faced it and grew stronger in knowing its name. I placed it into the Sacred Light and asked for its healing. This process is a daily ritual and I have to know it with every breath. It has become my friend and in honoring this fear it is slowly melting into my strength to push me forward.

I have created an opening for so much growth by accepting my darkest space within me and in doing so I am slowly remember who I truly was always born to be in this lifetime. I wish the same for each of you as you read these words because I believe we all are capable of remembering who we are and what we are here to do. Societally influencing is slowing melting away in my world because I give it no power when my soul guides and I do what always feels right to my very core. Imagine what our world would look like if we all did our best and followed Divine Guidance.

It wasn't easy to share this deep healing but it feels good to know its written and shared to help others. I honor each of you as you travel your roads of life.

In Loving Support ~ Leah

Chrysalis

I started this blog over a year ago after a very powerful encounter with the moon, Jupiter, my higher self and the Divine Will. It all flowed together and was so obvious as to what I was to do to support myself and others on this great path of awakening that we are undergoing here on Earth. Over the year each observance was highlighted with a different level of awakening. Each chakra what cleansed and healed or broke open to be freed from its bonds and attachments. Each step of the way I grew and we grew together. My heart knew that the Love that flowed through me entered deep into my words and these pages. On the Capricorn new year my visions of this blog seemed to blur. I had delivered my first stage of information and now I had little to add but posts of the beauty of fully awakening and understanding what it meant to be a Divine Being. I was seeing the world completely different now that I had experienced my guided awakening. I wondered where the road would take me. So I meditated and waited. 

I started absorbing information again. Sleeping a lot and feeling my body shift. The sacred wheel had kept turning. My direction seems to be on a long golden road filled with love but little landscape to speak of and few words to share. Until now....

On Monday I brought home four painted lady caterpillars to be observed by my two beautiful four year old girls and myself. I have been more fascinated by them then my girls have been because they are symbolic of me. I felt my kinship to them the moment they were handed to me. I have always had Butterfly as a personal totem. I choose it or it choose me when I was about 10- at least that's my first memory of our kinship. I never let go of this cycle- Metamorphosis- my whole life it has been how I have evolved. Birth, consume, death, rebirth and create. This process has never been so clear as this moment on the cusp of a new moon with 4 pupa (chrysalis) hanging in my butterfly house silently undergoing the biggest transformation without anything visibly happening on the outside. The actual creation of the pupa itself happens so slowly and gracefully I had to stand there for the better part of a half hour to even notice it was happening. This is where I find myself. I have been slowly creating my pupa. I am entering into my chrysalis to undergo the biggest transformation my life has yet to see. I'm ready and as always open to all the gifts the beautiful universe has to offer me. 

I know little of where this process will take me however I do know one thing. I am guided with all my heart to share my thoughts and experiences of this process with others so they too can notice the small shifts and possibly see the bigger change that is happening within and around them. Please stay tuned as I share my process and eventually my breaking open of my new self. 

Wishing you Divine Blessings on the cusp of this New Moon ripe with endless possibilities and full of Deep Sacred Love.